Counting My Loss…
Sade lies flat on the bare floor and strikes the matchstick to flame up the cigarette on her lips. The whole room stinks of alcohol and spoiled food. It was really a mess around here.
She puffs the fumes to the roof and began to think how she found herself at this point. She had become the monster she feared the most. She had become a nightmare of herself but it was not always like this there was once a time she found joy and a reason to live each day and Femi was the secret to that.
A young charming guy with a tall and slender look but of all this his dark complexion was her weakness. He was her dream man and everything about him just brought her to love him more.
It all started when she was on her way for an interview for a secretarial position and she leaned over to confirm the headlines on the paper should she be asked a question about the day’s news, that was how they met and exchanged contacts… From there they got to know each other and their affection for each other grew by the day. She got the job and counted him as a good luck… This was when she started counting.
Sade was a very neat and apt person so her choice of profession was well suiting. But things changed quickly when Femi’s jealousy and consistent complaint about her close relationship with her boss made her quit her job and move to her second love. That night she quit her job Femi gave her a spare key to his house and this made her heart melt like wax, she believed that love came with sacrifice and if she sacrificed anything for her man it was only the right thing to do. That day she quit her job and got a Key, she counted a loss and she counted a gain.
Better than she expected she thrived very well at the cloth making business and within 3 months she was making huge profits and having much clients. She was really glad she made this decision but it began crumble when Femi started dating some of her clients. Quarrels brewed up consistently with her clients as to her Femi was only a victim, she accused them of seducing him. But like a little opening made wide with time Femi started dating one of her workers, this made her lose her prestige at her own work place. With time she watched all she took her effort to build up being crumbled by the love of her life. It hurt her so much and Femi did apologize but the word “sorry” wasn’t enough to make everything right again. So one day she shut her shop for the last time never to open it again. Love was cruel to her at this period & her heart betrayed her real bad as she couldn’t explain how she found it in her heart to forgive Femi. The pain he had caused her was much but she just couldn’t do without Femi, he was her weakness. Few days after getting back together Femi proposed to her. He just knew how to get to her. She got a stone and a silver band across her finger, the biggest treasure of every lady. She counted the disgrace he brought to her and the ruining of her Tailoring job that was a loss and the ring he gave to her she counted as a gain.
Things weren’t as rosy for her anymore as it used to be, she had little cash at hand and she had to rely solely on Femi for her expenses. As the saying goes “the hunter who has a hard time killing a farm rat how much will he fare when he faces a jungle beast…” Such was the case of Sade who rarely had a cause to go out and look attractive. Meanwhile her husband was a hawk and it only took a while before he brought his storm around her again. Sade got to know that Femi had impregnated someone outside and the lady involved had threatened to keep the child but this was nothing compared to the regret of having an abortion for him twice claiming that they were both not ready to have kids, she recalls that it took her a while to agree the second time because she was old enough and ready but Femi found his way around her head and she gave in. She agreed to let the pain drown in her… Femi as usual came back home and begged, he begged and even promise that if he ever hurts her again she should kill him but she knew better… He was never going to change but the Cupid god wouldn’t make her hate him for even a second. He had her heart totally & she was at his mercy. Another loss not just one but two.
Back there in the room where she laid, she had smoked about 3 sticks of cigarette and the tears just seem to escape through the side of her eyes she was way too damaged but maybe she could have been salvageable if not for what happened few weeks ago. She had been feeling sick for a while and she decided to go to the hospital there she had to do an all-inclusive checkup. Few days later the doctor called and told her she was HIV po-si-tiiiive.
It was over! All of her dreams, all of her plans and everything she ever hoped to become was crushed dead. She saw end come to her and there was just one name for it FEMI. Femi found out about his status 3 months ago and since then he had been taking pills and he hoped his wife would be safe as he was told but he kept it a secret away from her, he was hoping to find a cure or something to reduce the effect. But time ran out on him and his innocent wife is a victim.
Sade never felt such a rush of adrenaline before as grief, pain, terror, hatred & regret came rushing into her brain at an instant. She gushed out in tears but after hours of sobbing like a strike of lighting she no longer felt all this feelings anymore and just one thing seemed right to do.
Femi came back home that night and she was a dutiful wife. She cooked his dinner and they slept together that night but by morning while she prepared his morning tea for him she added a little extra ingredient in his tea and after he had his breakfast he began to feel lighter until he collapsed. At one corner of the house stood Sade watching him groin in pain till he died. She poisoned his tea and stood there and watching him die.
Today makes it the third day she has been lying in the same room with the corpse of her husband. All she did was to drink herself to stupor, she drank not to find relief or comfort but because something within needed to be satisfied. She screamed, she cried and even went to her husband’s corpse and wept. His phone has been ringing for days maybe his friends, maybe his concubines, maybe his boss, maybe his family but she wasn’t bothered about that. Then she went back to the room and started arranging his clothes it was there she found the pack of cigarette. She laughed out real hard of all the things he could have done wrong and of all the things he did to hurt her smoking was the least of it all. So she left the clothes and went downstairs with the cigarette. It was there she laid down flat on the bare floor and she began to smoke. The thoughts of everything she’s been through and the fact that she never believed that her life could turn out been this terrible. She counted her life entirely as a loss and her biggest mistake was agreeing on dating the devil.
Then out of the blue her phone rang, she was going to ignore it like the rest but there was something about it that drew her attention and so she looked at the screen of her phone and saw the name Dr. Jade. Whatever it was this was a wrong time to call her but for some reasons the calls didn’t stop. She reluctantly picked it only for her to hear the words… “Sade, you’re three weeks pregnant” and for a while the world stopped. Alas! She asked herself was this a loss or a gain?