My Burdens, My Pains, My Struggles

06 Jan My Burdens, My Pains, My Struggles

There is so much a new transition brings you to. A moment when it seems like a decision very easy to make. When I was moving into new transitions it was never easy. But there were times I focused more on the burdens, the pains and the struggles than the battles that has been won.

A new transition will always bring us to the place where we have to choose between FOR or AGAINST. The sins I had to fight with that bit through my soul; the dreams I wanted to achieve just to feed my selfish ego. The relationships I won’t want to break free from because I don’t want to lose the credit.

There is so much that a new journey in Christ brings you to; that place where everything you do runs like a virus scan on a PC. Life tells us there is nothing to lose, and it is better to win at all cost. This, I have struggled with, and there seems not to be a thin line between the opinion of others and what God will have me do per time. This struggle has led me to a point where I struggle to listen when God is speaking. One of my fears is being afraid to lose and listening to this voices around me drains his voice farther away. The more I try to keep myself sane, the more those voices won’t fade.

But He Knows:

My Burdens

Ten years ago, if anyone had told me i would give up my tradition for a different path, I would never have believed and would have easily gotten into a fight because of how sacred traditions were. The more I tried to stick to these traditions; the more I had a deep feeling that there was something more. God is not superficial, God is not one-dimensional but multi-dimensional and omnipotent.

God wants us to look to His Son and nothing else for devotion. This was a burden I had carried since I was a teenager. Questions always starts with Why’s. There was just always something to lead me through that path where nothing makes sense but God. Where no one tells you to be in church so you won’t be left out with no form of transformation taking place.

How it started

In 2007, when I attended NIFES programmes in the University, I knew my destiny was sealed. I prayed a prayer and I didn’t want to go against this tradition I had been used to, but I wanted the Lord’s will. It took another five years for God to lead me through that path. It was a burden I carried because I could not explain what I was feeling within my heart. As much as I tried to prove a point to others as to why I was making the move,some people did not seem to understand what I was going through at that time.

It was at the same time I had issues with my engineering degree in the University. Seeing how I felt at peace within me and also felt comforted in my spirit with everything happening. I knew God had prepared me for that season by obeying His call to transit to a new community of believers. Prior to this time, I was suicidal. As a teenager I had wanted to take my life and in most cases thought about doing it but here I was faced with these circumstances and I was not moved. I was perceived as being unserious to some of my course mates who thought I was nonchalant about the situation we were facing. I knew God had this under control and that He would definitely come through.

Obedience is Key

It was an assurance that my destiny is not sealed by people but by God alone. And that if He brought me to this, He would certainly take me through it. Though, I was just a babe that didn’t know how to pray prayers that could bring the heavens down; I learned that God got me in His hands whether in good times or bad times. These burdens that were lifted helped me in obeying God towards a new transition; with an assurance that He is the one leading me and not myself.

These burdens are not mine anymore because God has taken them away as Jesus said in his word that:

He has brought me to my place of rest. A place where I know he has everything in his hands. I now have a knowing that everything that happened in the past had happen for His purpose for my life to be fulfilled. I am not afraid anymore.